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Know Your Orcs, Part 1: The Suizz

“You sorry gits keep those pigstickers pointed straight or I’ll lop the gronches off ther lot of yez!”

— An anoymous Suizz sergeant


“Bombardier! Target right front, range 200 spans! See those suizzlesticks off!”

— The preferred Dwarven method for dealing with Suizz pikeblocks.


“Place the witchdancers behind the giantess. With any luck, those armored greenies will charge up gronch-happy and only realize their mistake once they are well stuck in.”

— Moon Elf Prince Etienne de Fleurs, musing on how to counter Suizz Guards.


While orcs have a well-deserved reputation for indiscipline and mob actions at away features, the tribal grouping known as the Suizz proves that there is an exception for every rule.

Moss farmers of the high mountain meadows of the Khazal Range, the Suizz have been in close contact – and thus conflict – with the Khazal Dwarven Holds for centuries. In the face of this, and as a matter of sheer necessity, they’ve developed a degree of discipline and coordination that is decidedly un-orcy.

The Suizz have little in the way of mounted troops, but their close-in heavy fighters are some of the best in Albyssia. Unfortunately, they have few of them. Fortunately, after much trial and error, they’ve settled on an effective combined arms weapon mix for their tribal hordes.

The average Suizz is armed with a pike or a bow and the whole of the tribal mass of common orcs is formed into tercios, imitating (in rough and ready form) Elven tactics. Big ´Uns are segregated off into dedicated shock troops and the heavily armored “Bosses’ Guards” form a central reserve.

While dwarven shieldwall and axe tactics are still quite effective against Suizz pike blocks (even more so now that the Dwarves can mass produce gunpowder), the Suizz counter is an improvement over the traditional orcish plan of “line everybody up and ‘ave at it!” As the Suizz put it, “Pigstickers keep them runty shits as far away as fukin’ possible”.

The Suizz are effective and disciplined enough that they are one of the few orc tribes that can hire out as mercenaries to the other races, providing masses of cheap pike-and-bow fodder for lowland armies. This is a win-win situation for everyone involved. The Khazal Holds can stomp the Suizz, but prefer not to because the losses incurred are usually too high for a slow-breeding race like the dwarves. Meanwhile, the Suizz have a healthy respect for their bearded neighbors and would pretty much rather fight anyone else. Because social cohesion is greater among the Suizz than other orc tribes, they are constantly strapped for cash, being that the orc economy is based on “chits”, processed from the genital organs of other orcs. Hiring out to the lowland kingdoms solves this problem, however, with traditional payment being the Suizz’ right to castrate all enemy dead and prisoners (as well as their own dead, of course). This is a great boon for the Suizz’ employers as these orcs will literally work for dick.

As the Suizz saying goes, “No chits, no gits!”

For obvious reasons, the Suizz refuse to fight females: “There just ain’t no percentage innit, Boss”.

For more information on how to make chits, go here: https://orcstain.wordpress.com/2010/11/19/firststain/

NSFW or the squeamish.

Did you know? The other orc tribes of Albyssia call the Suizz’ pikes “Suizzle Sticks”.


We get slapped around, but we have a good time!