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    Otto Schmidt

    I recently completed my ancient rules. Well my first set which deals in war in the Ancient- Ancient world, back in chariots  and so forth.  I’m working on another set for the Greek City States to Alexandrian era. But the early set is done in rather whimsical style  and is called “Honey I Sacrificed the Kids.”  There subtext is that “Life in the Real Ancient world sucked: Live in the Reel Ancient World Rocks!”  The basic rules are fairly realistic and normal. There is a second section on plots and strategies in the Game which  sort of relies for historical input from C.B. DeMille, and so forth which allows for all those absolutely absurd and horrible plots  and gimmicks we see in the Sword and Sandal epics  and big time Biblical movies.  You can get away with that in the far ancient world. I don’t think you can do it in the Greek City States era.

    But I’ll try.


    Most of the “plot ploys” come in the nature of “Seethas.” That is the sensational  come-on’s from the trailers for these movies like “See the cast of thousands! See the decadence of the Kingdom of the Babybuggybumpers!”  In the game these come out to things like “The Geographical Feature of Death! , The Wart Hog from Hell!!!!,  The Lil snot and his little Slingshot!! and “The Bloodthisrty Babe from Biloxi.”   It was a lot of fun writing, and playtesting and we did a few rounds at “The Weekend” convention for the past two years and they worked well.

    The game doesn’t use dice. instead we use “throwing sticks” as they did in the ancient world, made from bits of half round bead molding, painted black on the curved side and white on the flat side.  The number of sides of each color coming up determining the result. The stick , 8″ long, is also the measuring sticks for movement  and measuring.  Other interesting features is that each side has a deck of four “Gods.” You can invoke one of these to attempt to get ‘Favor of the Gods” which will give you lots of nice benefits. At the same time you toss for initiative, and that gives other benefits. During the game you can invoke your remaining Gods to try and allow you to do special things or gain benefits in particular phases of the turn. Makes it quite interesting.  One of the benefits of initiative is that you get to determine the sequence of action.  The steps in the sequence are simple. The player without initiative move phase, a simultaneous combat phase (melee and missile) and either a player with initiative move phase, or  if he wishes two player with initiative half move phases.  Thus you could place in a turn the non-initiative move phase first, then one of the half move phases of the initiative player, then combat, then a half move of the player with initiative, allowing a split move after you’ve seen what the other guy did.  Or if you wish, you cold have all your move as the initiative player done first, then combat, then the non-initiative player moves, thus bringing him into action so he can’t get away, at least until it’s too late.

    Unfortunately for many as with all m rules, they are written in a humorous and tongue in cheek style, and the four countries in the rules all are “Imagi-nations.” They are modeled on real life countries, but done for laughs. There’s the Kingdom of Queen Nastiupset (guess who) the Ososeriousians , The kingdom of Schockem and Glockamorra, and “The Seadudes. Egyptians, Assyrians, Caananites, and Minoans.  The Gods of each are different. On the “God cards” there are on one side real Gods , like for the Kingdom of Queen Nastiupset  Ra,  Isis,  Hathor,  and Set, and on the flip side the  humorous version such as Pez, The God of yummy little treats from Bast’s Litter box” ; Bustus, Goddess of Shoes,  crash diets, and plastic surgeons;  Psoriasis, God of hypochondriacs and constant complainers, and Snot , God of brown nosers and ass kissers. For the Ososeriousians on the humorous side there is Numnutz  God who became God when he married the Old God’s ugly daughter and took over when he died and ran heaven into the ground.  Niblik, God of Golfers; Noodnik  God of fools who think the government is here to help them; and Dummazz, God of people who answer letters from the Nigerian Oil Minister.  Other guys in my group have suggested others.  It’s been a lot of fun.

    The rules are 12 pages long, complete with write-ups and a simple campaign system.



    Sane Max

    You wrote a set of rules 12 pages long? 12 Pages long complete with write-ups and a campaign system?

    what did you use? A2 paper and a Rotring Pen?

    Otto Schmidt

    Dear  Sane Max


    Oops, wait a minute, I’m wrong , it’s 15 pages, but most of the extra is back stories. The rules and the like is in 12 pages, 12 pt times roman bold.  3/4″ margins. The actual tactical rules run from pg 3 to 11, so that’s 8 pages. . Then there’s two pages of write ups on the Imagi-Natons, and two pages for the campaign system. The back page of the booklet has the map for the campaign. First two pages are the cover art and the flamboyant introduction. It’s the drivel that fills out the extra pages.

    My 18th century rules, “Oh God! Anything but a Six”  are all 12 pages, from cover to back cover.

    For the 18the Century “Mon Dieu! Tout Saif un Six!!!” is 12 pages.

    For the 17th Century “O Dio! Todo Meno Seis!!!” is  likewise 12.

    For the 16th Century “O Dio Tutt’ Altro che un sei!!!” is the same.(or my 16th and 17th

    For the 18th century (and adaptable for the others, the Naval component (made to be played with “big ships  in ship to shore fights as well as deep sea actions is “Yo-Ho-Ho!!! which is NOT a pirate game, but a regular naval game is only 8 pages.

    I also have “Have I ever told you How the Vienese Bakers Saved Western Civilization” which is the siege warfare component for “Oh God! Anything But a six.!” That has too many illustruations for fortifications and the march of the siege. This goes to 14 pages, but it’s not fully playtested yet and I will probably be able to get it down to 12 pages.


    My modern Rules  “The Shattered Century” which is between the wars to Mid WWII is also 12 pages, everything in the same format.century rules in slightly different versions  This is an ARMY level game so a stand of four infantrymen represents a company or a battalion.

    The rule set I made for the naval part is “Jayne’s Frightening Ships 1937” which is 10 pages.

    I don’t believe in complicated rules.  The most playtested and proven one is the “Oh God! Anything but a six!!!” ones, which come out so slim because we rigorously restricted the game to those choices and decisions that the commander of a wing or part of an army (left right or center) would face, and chopped out all the folderol like limbering and unlimbering, formations, facing and the like. There’s also no real modifiers and certainly no national advantage. This is not a typical “All French are +3 rules” for the Napoleonics.  We did the same in the other periods.

    I also have American Civil War Rules “Magnolia’s , Mint Juleps N’ Gritz!” which are an abridgement of Featherstone’s rules which are two pages.

    I’m presently working on a campaign tool box for umpires for Campaigns for the 18th century. I’ll probably call this one “Der Rosenkavallry” though my friends have suggested “Abduction of Don DiDraino.” I wanted to use “Die Fledermauser” but they told me to save that for my 19th Century Ruritanian Game.

    The only other thing I’m working on now is “Time.” A space game which follows the rise and fall of galactic civilizations, played on a 6 x 10 field.

    All of my rules are simple and of the same format. I believe in very simple rules and very complex scenarios.

    I put in the extra pages on the ancient rules  because  I had so much space left from the tactical rules I didn’t have to write  a separate book for the campaign system and the countries.




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